Engrish? Y'ello

After spending time with Tim in a forign country i was be surprised to learn that English is his first language. He apparently has no ability to understand anything the locals say and needs me at his side to translate even the most basic of interactions. Tim tried to order bottled water but ended up with sparkling soda water. Whenever a waiter says something Tim generally has to look to me to be the middle man and translate what they said. Tim says that its my mumbling monotone voice that gives me an innate ability to decode their tricky english dialect. When the waiter asks if he wants hot or cold milk with his coffee he stares at them blankely and waits for me to step in. Its embarrassing. Im pretty sure if he were left alone he would be either dead or working a corner in Joburg.

We were at a coffee shop the other day and the waitress asked if he needed anything else. Silence. I then asked him if he needed anything else. He said water. She responded with water? He said "No, Water. Ice Water." She left confused. A few minutes later Tim was the proud owner of a glass full of ice, with no water.

Another time we were pre-gaming the USA Slovenia game. Tim was drinking a Castle which is the local brew. A local walked by saying "Hh so you like Castle?" Tim responded with "A Little" (Thinking that the guy said how much of your Castle have you finished?") The local then looked offended, gave Tim a mean look and left. Simple interactions like this have left Tim unable to truly connect with the African people. Maybe someday when he masters the English language he will be fully integrated into South African Society.